I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
