There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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