Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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