But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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