I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize