ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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