Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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