so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
