the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
