Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
