our cab driver is having phone sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
