Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
