just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
