break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
