Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
