I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
