YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
