I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
