Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
