Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize