Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
