dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
