i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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