Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think people are normalizing furries
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
