i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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