If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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