I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize