In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
