We named our party play list daddy issues
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize