what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
