chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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