i don't like sucking hair
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
