I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So squirting runs in the family.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wear drunk well.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize