im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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