Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
