I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
