i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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