Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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