my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize