They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
