Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
