I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
