our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
