Are we in a gay sports bar?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
