He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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