haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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