I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
