drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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