Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
