He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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