We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
