I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
