Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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