We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
