Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
