while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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