I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
