you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize