accomplished twins. life is a go
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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