that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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