i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize