well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
