My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up under a house in Key West
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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