Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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