Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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