if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
